We were friends before you started dating

In contrast, being aloof and challenging made a person more attractive and desirable, but did not make them likeable.

Satisfying your partner's needs or wants increases how much he or she likes you and how friendly he or she feels toward you — but it can also reduce his or her desire to chase you for more.

I've been envious of new friends that supplant old friendships.

When I meet someone, I can size him up in about 30 seconds and decide whether or not we will ever see each other naked.

Since it's easy to get caught up in the aloof and challenging parts of a relationship, this necessary liking-desiring balance could be more difficult to achieve without the friendship part fully in tact.

When you already have a history of friendship, of doing favors for each other just because you want to, you can easily consciously pull back a little bit to make room for some of that passion and desire to grow.

It would make sense, then, that the person for whom you already do all of these things would make the best relationship partner. The desirability factor is derived from the absence of those things, which ferments that kind of desire that reflects the old adage, "You want what you can't have."If one of these is more present than the other in the relationship, the relationship will fail.

This isn't to say you wouldn't do these things with a romantic partner if you weren't friends with him or her first, but you're certainly more likely to do them when that friendship foundation is already there, when those levels of respect have already been established, before the passionate part comes into play. Nicholson writes: Being easy, congenial and friendly made a person more 'likeable,' but not more attractive or desirable as a romantic partner.

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